Is everyone just trying to push me to the edge?
Does everyone just want me to die already because I am this close?
I am so close to just doing it….
My brother visiting tomorrow is the only thing stopping me…
Delusions in my Mind
I fear I will always have these delusions and that they will never stop.
That I will never wake up as myself ever again.
That I am going to have to change everything about me and become my delusion.
This is absolute hell.
Does anyone else out there have this issue?
Because I feel so alone.
I really want to do a Secret Santa with some of you lovely followers.
Who would want to join? :)
To not feel like yourself every day is pure torture.
Delusions is a scary thing I am not going to lie and it is a pain in the ass
Be grateful if you don’t have them.
Because the moment they happened I wish they would stop.
It has been a year and they still haven’t ended and my demons still are not gone.
But all I can do for now is keep fighting them away.
Tonight has been a rough one.
I had two of the most trippy dreams and they were awful.
Woke up with my heart pounding.
I am too nervous to talk to one of my best friends not knowing if I screwed up or not.
My other best friend is busy watching Doctor Who.
My other best friend is all the way in Texas.
And I just feel so empty and fearful tonight.
My heart goes out to all of you aching tonight.
And just know we are here for ONE another.
Don’t get me wrong some nights I love spending on my own.
But tonight for some reason I don’t want to be alone.
I don’t want to be on my own.
This utterly sucks.
What do I do?
Also, those suffering with bipolar disorder I would love to hear your stories.
For the past years I have been struggling with both so it would be nice to talk to someone who I can relate to and understand.
I hope all of you are having a lovely night.
If you ever feel depressed please message me.
No one deserves to be feel lonely and have no one to talk to when they feel that way.
Because God I know I have and it is an awful feeling.
So please send me a message my way and I will listen to ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you have to say.
What do you do when the demons in your head hate you?
They hate the color of your skin, they hate the way your hair falls, they hate the color of your eyes.
They try to destroy you and laugh at you.
What are you suppose to do when this happens?
Tonight I make a vow.
To any of you that self-harm….
I wont support your choice but I will be understanding of it.
I will try to help you find healthier ways to cope.
And to find ways to help you one day stop.
Because I never want any of you to hear the things that I did from a jerk last night about my cutting.
I am determined to help those in pain.
Please Read.. That means YOU.
This isn’t an easy thing for me to admit and not a lot of my friends know but I decided to share my story..
Last Friday (A week ago) I decided to try and overdose on pills in front of my two best guy friends..
Luckily I didn’t take enough for a stomach pump or anything and I am totally healthy.
I have been going through HELL and back and I don’t think some people in my life understand this.
So a word of advice for some.. Try to be there and listen to a friend when they are going through a rough time like I have.
Ignoring that person, avoiding that person, being afraid of that person, or anything within in that sorts.. Well isn’t going to help either of you.
I don’t blame ANY Of my friends for what I did because the one’s I did it in front of are WONDERFUL.
Just please don’t take people in life for granted. And DO NOT fear mental health issues. It is no different from fearing a friend or ignoring them because they have diabetes or cancer.