I have lost so many friends the past two years of my life due to being bipolar and have Pure O.
Friends that I thought would never leave me because I never left them left me stranded, confused, and alone at my worst of times.
Well… I NEVER want to do that to someone that has mental illness.
I want to be there for that fucking person.
I have been titled the crazy and insane girl and it is hard title to have.
Please listen, talk to, and support your friends no matter what they might be going through!
Mental illness isn’t like psyhical illness.
People won’t ask you to send out prayers for that person.
People don’t usually go, pray for my friend with depression.
Yet, they both can be pretty bad.
And that is what bugs me to be honest with you.
We worry when someone breaks their arm or gets cancer or something awful.
Yet, if our friend is depressed we don’t see it as a big deal.
And that just breaks my heart….
Someone talk to me please..
Distract from the hell inside my head.
Ask me questions anything.
I need it right now…
I hate when someone tells me their bf has OCD because he likes things straight or what not.
If he really knew what it is to have full blown OCD he would probably not say that.
I feel I am so alone with my illness and that I have no one that can relate at times.
Having OCD has made me feel like a complete psycho.
On top of that I am bipolar…
So my mind is one HUGE god damn mess.
I feel like a crazy person.
Please tell me others with my illness can relate..
Is everyone just trying to push me to the edge?
Does everyone just want me to die already because I am this close?
I am so close to just doing it….
My brother visiting tomorrow is the only thing stopping me…
Delusions in my Mind
I fear I will always have these delusions and that they will never stop.
That I will never wake up as myself ever again.
That I am going to have to change everything about me and become my delusion.
This is absolute hell.
Does anyone else out there have this issue?
Because I feel so alone.
I really want to do a Secret Santa with some of you lovely followers.
Who would want to join? :)
To not feel like yourself every day is pure torture.
Delusions is a scary thing I am not going to lie and it is a pain in the ass
Be grateful if you don’t have them.
Because the moment they happened I wish they would stop.
It has been a year and they still haven’t ended and my demons still are not gone.
But all I can do for now is keep fighting them away.
Tonight has been a rough one.
I had two of the most trippy dreams and they were awful.
Woke up with my heart pounding.
I am too nervous to talk to one of my best friends not knowing if I screwed up or not.
My other best friend is busy watching Doctor Who.
My other best friend is all the way in Texas.
And I just feel so empty and fearful tonight.
My heart goes out to all of you aching tonight.
And just know we are here for ONE another.
Don’t get me wrong some nights I love spending on my own.
But tonight for some reason I don’t want to be alone.
I don’t want to be on my own.
This utterly sucks.
What do I do?
Also, those suffering with bipolar disorder I would love to hear your stories.
For the past years I have been struggling with both so it would be nice to talk to someone who I can relate to and understand.
I hope all of you are having a lovely night.